Christmas Day

On Christmas day this year, I did something that I will never forget for the rest of my life. This moment was so surreal and touched my heart in a way that is indescribable. The feeling of having an angel present is like none other. My head was light and my heart was warm this Christmas day and it was because I was in the comfort of an angel.

My Aunt Teri and I on Christmas day - Merry Christmas

 When I walked into the nursing home I was unsure what to expect of Teri's condition, I hadn't talked to her since she was in the hospital and nearing death. I was nervous, but, had this feeling of good spirits all around me. It was almost as if I were floating to her room. When I walked through the open door and she was gone, I didn't quite know what to think. There was a small group of elderly people outside of her room gathered around singing hymns and praising the lord, so I waited in the peace of their singing. 5 or 10 minutes went by and I was getting impatient so I asked a nurse where she might be. The nurse said I would be able to find her amidst the crowd of elderly people I was listening to earlier. I walked back to the crowd of elderly folks, sitting in wheelchairs with their backs facing me, and scanned each one of the back of their heads until I saw her.

I asked an elderly lady if I could push  her aside to get through to my Aunt Teri and she was more than happy to have me move her. As I approached Teri's shoulder the feeling of floating came back. I reached out for it and she turned to me with this great smile.  "Justin", she said in a tone that made my heart tingle, "what a nice surprise to see you." We looked at each other for a few seconds, smiling, and another song started to play so I gave her her Christmas card and asked her where they were. We sang the last two songs together before we went to her room and shared more stories about what we've missed out on since the last time we saw each other.

I'll never forget that moment and I'd like to thank God and our angels for giving Teri another Christmas to celebrate.

Home For The Holidays

Merry Christmas

I get to go home for the holidays this year, something that I've always been able to do since I left home in 2006.

I am so thankful this year, because if it weren't for my fathers generosity, I wouldn't have been able to make it. So thanks, Dad, I appreciate it.

A lot of people view Christmas differently. Some think of it as a religious holiday, while others look at it as a time of giving and gathering of family and friends. For me it is just that! Christmas is a time to celebrate love and passion for the ones you keep closest to your heart. It is a time to give thanks for all of the memories shared. A special holiday that only comes once a year, one that will bring a smile to everyone's face when they are thought of on this one special day.

My heart is with those who are without loved ones this Christmas. I hope that this holiday season still brings a smile upon your face. I hope that you're able to embrace the memories that have made the past so special and carry them forth, throughout this holiday season, to make it just as special. Our angels are watching over us every day and they continue to seek ways to bring us happiness.

I'm so excited to go home and spend this Christmas with my family. I want to be in so many places this Christmas, but, my heart is the only part of me that can truly be in more than one place at a time.

Merry Christmas

a good person

This weekend has brought some questions to my attention. It has been hard to come to terms with myself whether I am a good person or not. I've tried to console myself by thinking about the good things I've done for others, or, ways I've been involved with people that weren't beneficial for me. But, after going through that list I've realized that there are many things people (myself or others) do to show support for their communities, religions, friends, families, and strangers. Although I find comfort in what I've done to be a selfless person, an emptiness is hanging in my soul when I think about the ones I love.


How would you define a good person ?

I learned that my Aunt Teri is in an indescribable state of pain and suffering right now, a state that she has been enduring for years. She has been there for me ever since I took my first steps; always expressing her love in an unconditional manner. Over the past few years she has always made sure to contact me during the holidays, which is something I can't say I've always done in return. Whether it were by sending me a card, writing a letter, or making a phone call, she would always remember to express her love. My Aunt Teri is a good person. She never forgets about the ones she loves. She never complains about her bad fortune and always looks for the brightest picture in even the darkest of places. She has a heart that puts off more warmth than the sun and embraces her loved ones with that warmth. She is unconditional.

I spoke to her yesterday for the first time in months and my heart fell to pieces. I felt like I hadn't done enough to express my love for her. When I started to cry, she was comforting in her words and tried to make me understand that it was okay, that she'd be there always. She's always been this way and that's what I mean when I say her heart puts out more warmth than the sun. We talked about the holidays upcoming and how I couldn't make it home. I told her I was sorry and she took my breath away when she said, "it's okay, I'll blow you a kiss". It was at that moment that I realized I may not ever get another homemade card from my Aunt Teri :( She comforted me and ensured me she'll be here for me, but, I still felt horrible for the person I hadn't been.

Am I a good person?

It's been a hard question for me to think about, I know I have some things to work on....

My Grandma Kats was a good person